My Vulnerable Journey To See
It has taken me a lifetime (I’m 46 years old), literally to understand who I am in the Body of Christ. What is my role? Although this blog is a little bit about my personal journey of what I myself have perceived as a strange gifting of the Holy Spirit, a seer, this blog is intended to make you think about how your spiritual gifts are being used in Jesus Christ’s Church today.
Are you holding back your spiritual gifts?
It is my authentic prayer for you that you seek like never before for Godly insight so that you may be made a worthy of the calling on your life. Because our Lord is gracious, merciful and kind, He does provide allowances for our lack of courage to step out and boldly do what He asks us to do. Today, I pray you go a little further in your walk toward boldness and courage because we are at war and all whom He calls are soldiers of His Kingdom, like it or not.
If we are soldiers, who are we fighting against? We live like we’re fighting humanity and each other way too much in the Church. We have to learn to stop ourselves from thinking on this elementary level. We are more brilliant than this. The Holy Bible clearly says we fight NOT against flesh and blood. Ephesian 6:12 says,
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
God does not hide the fact that the enemy is the ruler of this world and we are called to shed light into the darkness that is all around. It is a difficult task if you take that seriously. Being a warrior for Jesus is not easy, not comfortable and will cause you to seek the face of God for strength, wisdom and courage to keep fighting and keep standing for the Truth of Jesus and His Way of life and eternity.
This thought of eternity is so uncomfortable for some human beings because the enemy has taken a great focus to counteract what Jesus has taught about it as he does with all spiritual teachings of Jesus.
Religions around the world have adopted reincarnation as a way to believe we will just evolve forever. The challenge with that way of thinking is that we will never need to be accountable to the Spirit of God. This way of thinking actually takes God out of the equation because there is no logic to it, all the while our minds being blind to think this is God’s way. However, it contradicts itself.
Another way to eternity is to become so blinded by the carnal mind that hell becomes a desirable place. That sounds crazy, but I am telling you the truth, otherwise there would be no Church of Satan. Hell is perceived by those who have been completely given over to a carnal way of existing as a place of power.
I could go on for days with the enemy’s devices for blindness in the Church and in the world.
However, the Word of God in Isaiah 14 says this about the enemy’s leader, you look upon him narrowly and consider him and will think, is this the man that made the earth to tremble, that did shake kingdoms; that made the world as a wilderness, and destroyed the cities thereof; that opened not the house of his prisoners? Satan’s power and those of his leading will come to an end. Without focusing on the drama of hell and only the reality of the condition of the spirit, the spiritual environment will be absent of God.
No demon will bow to satan. Every knee will bow to our Lord Jesus and forever and all eternity the demons will know that the choice they made to follow was one that was unable to be undone. Even now, they are very clear, more than we are as humans, that they took on the essence and nature of evil and there is no turning back. Now, they have a responsibility to “be” who they chose to be. They have one focus to kill, steal and destroy and take as many souls with them as they can to the place originally created for the devil and his demons. It is the job of all that is evil and we need to be fully aware (as the Spirit allows) to understand the schemes and the workings of the devil. We’ve got to be much more enlightened by Jesus’ Church so we are not in the blind and we can start taking back lost ground.
Why do I say this? Because the enemy has the upper hand too often.
However, there are a few of us who have always seen things differently. Not only do we exist to draw people closer to Jesus, but we see things from a spiritual perspective, rather than a worldly perspective most often. In other words we recognize the impacts of worldly things on spiritual and heavenly things. This has been a big challenge for me because I have clearly felt like an outsider and wondered and begged God to answer why I see things differently than others. The more I see the Truth of Jesus and the things the enemy does to handicap God’s children, the more the Lord encourages me to lead this charge.
I would be a liar if I said that so much of the time I do not want this calling. I just want to live a normal life, but I’m not normal. I perceive things most people do not perceive. I admit that there was a time a few years ago when the spiritual world got to be so much, I told the angels, demons and God to to just leave me alone. I needed a break. So they did for awhile. That has to do with the intensity of the gift and my willingness to grow in it.
What Do I Do?
Last year was one of the more difficult journeys of my life. With the loss of my dear Brother Zach, I started to write a book called Saving Zach. Truth be told, he was possessed with alcohol and demons.
Eight years ago after 18 days of no alcohol and hanging on for dear life, double-tied to a hospital bed because he kept breaking the straps, I brought my Bible into the hospital room. He was making disgusting snake gestures with his tongue and slivering his body like a snake as far as he could slither down the bed. Then the demon spoke and He said to me very exorcist like, I am going to kill you.
I let my mother know she needed to get someone from the church and exorcise the demons. I didn’t feel strong enough to take that on and I felt I was too close to him. We were only 11 months apart and we had a unique kind of bond. I didn’t think I could do it because I thought the devil would somehow use my love for my brother against me. We needed someone he couldn’t tempt in that way.
However, my mother did not follow through. They were not exorcised, but they quieted.
Last year my brother fell off the wagon again, but the damage to his body was so tremendous and of course I prayed for his healing. I prayed the Lord would release him from the grip of the enemy who had bound him as a child and convinced him that God couldn’t possibly exist after such a painful childhood. He opened the door to the enemy and life was a living hell until the Lord released him this last summer.
In his last weeks I spent 18 days with my brother, but his mind was not there enough for me to make sure he could give himself back to God. He was a strong Christian as a child and he loved the Word of God and he loved Jesus.
I waited every day for my opportunity, but it never came the way I wanted. So I laid hands on him and I prayed fervently for his soul. I ministered to his completely broken body and massaged his legs which ached from being in bed for 3 months. I felt a kind of peace and I knew in my spirit I was doing all I could and everything else was up to my Lord and his ministering angels.
My brother spoke of a white lightening creature in the room and struggled to discern what was real. I hoped it was an angel from the Lord. Finally I surrendered to God’s way and I had to leave back to California. My brother wanted to go home desperately, but he didn’t know what home was. He begged me to take him home and my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest watching my beloved brother suffer so much torment and mental confusion. I didn’t realize he probably meant take me to heaven.
The Lord gave my husband and I a Word before I left to Idaho to be with him in those final days. I asked him to release him from the bondage and God said, “I am releasing him.” I didn’t know what that meant exactly, if he’d live or die. But, I knew he was going to put an end to his suffering and he would by His grace, make a way for my brother to get back home as he had been begging me, to heaven. I knew he was going to heaven because if he was going to end up in forever torment, he would remain imprisoned and God would have not promised to release him.
Although I was grateful to my Lord for those words when I had prayed for twenty five years for my brother, I still have memories of his suffering that I wish I could shake, but perhaps due to my ministry, never will.
As I was there going through the emotions of watching him fall apart in every sense of the word, my heart just wanted to save him so badly. I started writing about Saving Zach.
What happened after that was everything in my life began to fall apart, or be taken from me and I was tested, all the while hearing the Lord speak to me, “keep standing, keep standing no matter what.” And although I felt so weak from the experience of it all, I now understand what the Lord meant when He said, I am made strong in your weakness.
Here I am today seven months later after incredible testing and three and a half years of sifting to tell you, we exist to let this hurting, sick and tormented world know that it is Jesus who saves the Zach’s of the world.
The memories of my brother Zach and his sufferings encourage me all the more to take back what the enemy has stolen, to bring healing to the nations and exhort the Church to stand against all the schemes of the enemy.
It is not enough to know who wins in the end. This journey to follow Christ is about becoming the Church in all it’s glory.
You are His Church. You are His hands. You are His mouthpiece. You are His heart. Go, go, go!
Who Am I in the Church?
I am daily in prayer for those that are afflicted around the world, for the leaders of our world, for movie stars who will rise up for the cause of Christ, the leaders of the Churches, for the occult being called out, for those cults that use the name of Jesus to come to know the True Jesus, for the spiritually, mentally and physically tormented and the like.
I pray for the for the Mormons to find the True Prophet, the Catholics to find the True Pope, the Muslims to find the True Holy God, The Christians to Know Jesus deeply, the Satanists to find True Power, for the Buddhists to find True Peace, for the spiritualists to find The Holy Spirit, for the Jews to find the True Messiah, for the Luciferians to see the Great Deceiver and for the Hindus to find Jesus as their path to liberation.
I pray for the angels of the churches, an increase of God’s grace, for the Holy Spirit to expand Himself, for a piercing of our heart for the Great Cause of Jesus, I pray for spiritual, political, and economic climates and for the Word of God to come alive in the hearts and lives of humanity and so much more.
I am burdened and rung out at times with responsibility in ways most people cannot understand for the time that is coming and for the preparation of the Lord’s Church.
In Preparation for Ministry
I have spoken with satan who introduced himself as Lucifer and been threatened of course with death to stop ministering to the Saints of God.
I have had a lengthy conversation with a demon who God used to shed light on their unchanging nature to lie.
I cast spirits out of my home even as I write.
I have received angelic visitations (not ever having studied about angels).
I have received visions from the angel Gabriel about heaven and hell and they were interpreted by him as well.
I have seen and felt more demons than I could ever count.
I experience the demon’s curiosity about humanity.
I experience types and levels of evil, some being more powerful than others.
I experience the deep respect of Holiness by Jesus’ angels.
I experience the angel’s praise and honor for God and His throne.
I experience the desire of Jesus to give good gifts to His Children.
I experience Jesus deep desire to have His children desire Him more.
I experience Jesus’ desperation to see us grow spiritually to prepare for what is coming . . .
and so much more!
And all of this does make me weary and tired at times since I am human and very imperfect. However I raised my hand and said, I will do whatever you ask of me. Still I have told God He has the wrong girl because I long for the simpler life. I have told Him I can not do this work after such tremendous torment from demonic/unclean spirits. It is so far out of this world that it humbles me because the responsibility I carry to Jesus and His Church is beyond enormous for me. So I understand how difficult it is to be a True Follower of Jesus and be willing to do anything He asks to prepare for His ministry and His coming.
If you are a True Follower of Jesus then this blog should not be so much of a surprise because as I speak the Lord has been preparing your heart and helping you to come to terms with what it means to truly follow after Him.
I want to encourage you
We are still learning and growing with our spiritual gifts, but we will move forward for the cause of our Lord Jesus, whose face will shine upon us and His Spirit will take us to our knees where all true power lives.
We cannot stop. We’ve got to remain focused on Jesus’ Good Plan and stop trying to direct God. He knows what He is doing. We are not God so we need to have Him take us out of our conservative or charismatic box or whatever box you’re in, and take Him out of our limited-vision box. However big or great or loving your visionary box is, His vision and plan is perfect.
He will NOT be put in a box. His Word says, “we see in part and we prophesy in part.” Even those like myself who see spiritually and prophetically still see pieces. We’re not sitting around “doing readings” on people and we don’t have all the answers to everything in the world. We are called and anointed like every other Christian and we have to keep our eyes on revealing Jesus in all His glory.
We must go to our knees. With all humility, His Throne is where His power to keep us going and moving forward in our gifts comes from.
I want to encourage you today to pray for bigger ears to hear and bigger eyes to see what the Spirit of the Lord is saying so that we will become the Church in all its glory. With those eyes and ears, pray for discernment and I believe God will honor His Church.
How Do We Turn The Tables?
We must turn the tables and gain some ground in the Church.
In our fear of taking the focus off of Jesus and giving more power to the enemy, we want to teach and speak only a little about the enemy, or tread very lightly. Although, I don’t believe this is keeping the Lord’s children from knowing Christ, I do think it is giving the enemy and his kingdom the right to have a heyday by means of sickness, mental illness, addiction, strongholds, family attacks and even curses, worldwide. In addition, we still have a large amount of Christians who don’t believe in the enemy or hell. Which, is absurd and makes me wonder if they understand why Jesus needed to come to earth in the first place. It was to undo satan’s deception that led to an imperfect, unclean and unholy world.
Please don’t misunderstand me. Not all things are caused by the enemy and also understand that Jesus is so good that He alone can turn every evil into something good. This is one way Jesus takes power back from the enemy.
What I am clearly saying is that we, as the Church, are not utilizing our God-given power or gifts as we should and the Lord has told me that “My Church is sick” and He asked me “to help heal the Church”. I assure you I will do my best to educate God’s children in these deeply spiritual matters that have been swept under the carpet or been taught an elementary level. Never will I say anything that goes against the Word of My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Always, always, always I will point you back to Him because all authentic truth, purity, love and power exists in Him.
But, I do see things and it is our spiritual gifts through Christ that play a HUGE part in the big scheme of where the Church is heading and the Revelation of God’s Holy Word.
Life here on this planet is the place now where we CHOOSE CONSISTENTLY between the two camps, what is good (life) and what is evil (death). The Spirit of the Lord has to reveal this to us in its entirety because it is not all about living morally, that is the fundamental and human way of thinking about it. However, a deeper spiritual understanding is to consider that doing righteously, is more about doing what is right in the sight of God. To one person something is right and to another something else is right. Only the Holy Spirit can lead each one individually to the the right path for the pre-ordained plan for each human being called according to His Purpose.
Understanding that incredibly magnificent distinction (CHOICE) is what will have us go from warming the pews, chairs or bleachers to living for Christ’s purpose and continuing to seek the good things Jesus has for us. If you do not choose, the devil will choose for you.
You need to KNOW you have the POWER through Christ to choose. Choose the Good things of Christ. Choose to build His Kingdom and take dominion or the devil will take dominion because we have not taken rightful Kingdom authority.
By ignoring the enemy (not referring to resisting, this is temptation) and remaining ignorant to the open doorways to evil, ie. being religious, lukewarm, arrogant, selfish, self-seeking, cruel, undisciplined, uneducated regarding spiritual matters, untalented (not using God’s talents), unspiritual (not letting God lead us spiritually), stubborn (also not letting God lead us) we have a Church that is sick in every sense of the word. We play in the enemy’s camp and he accuses us before our God all day long and says if they’re going to continue to open the doorways to my realm of authority (anything evil or opposing Jesus), I’m going to persecute the heck out of these Christians, therefore re-crucifying Christ.
Jesus triumphed over powers and authorities by way of the Cross and this is why Paul says not to re-crucify Jesus by continuing to sin because he understood that it opens the doorway to the enemy’s domain. Jesus is persecuted because we (His Body) are persecuted and He is trying to let us know authority has been given to us to overcome the enemy when He attacks us. However, we cannot have it both ways. You cannot live for God and play in the enemy’s camp by being like the devil in the way you live (character) and the way you believe (following your own way).
Colossians 2:15tells us, “…and having disarmed the powers and authorities, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”
Paul also says we have been set free from the bondage of sin so stop living as if you’re not. Paul knew better than anyone on the planet at the time how the enemy works. The Bible says he had a thorn in his flesh from satan. Every day he lived with that thorn being fully aware of who put it there and still he never stopped following Christ. So clearly he has proven that we can still do what God is calling us to do in spite of the enemy if we will STAND and FIGHT. Paul had to have understood that to overcome the enemy, to be used by God, to see God’s Good plan come to pass, we had to have the mind of a spiritual warrior. Through the armor of God, we overcome, we win the battle and finish the race. However, I’m sorry to say we don’t apply these Scriptures in Romans 6 enough when it comes to understanding the Spiritual Truths of the Kingdom of God.
Jesus is the Way and The Key to the Kingdom of God where no death and no darkness exist. Until then we need to wake up and start being like Jesus. Do the Father’s will and stop worrying about everyone who does not know your heart or your spiritual conviction.
All that said, I believe most of our problems and lack of success in the Church are not because of the enemy, but rather because we provide the way for satan to take authority. Respond with the authority of the Word and keep your heart and mind pure before God so that the Holy Spirit will move on your behalf and give you the strength to overcome.
Do not let satan, the accuser of the brethren, get the upper hand in your spiritual journey. We were created to be MORE BRILLIANT than our current spiritual behavior.
We were born, we do exist and we will die physically or spiritually. You get to choose. We must look at life and death from a logical and Christ-like spiritual point of view. He was the great Spiritual Teacher and He did teach spiritual truth at an extremely high level and it is why parables, metaphors, prophecy and revelation are and were ways of communicating Spiritual Truths. He said, “let your ears hear what the Spirit of the Lord says.”
These are spiritual truths that have to do with Kingdom things, sometimes difficult to understand through our human mind so we need to search for the Holy Spirit to guide us into all truth and righteousness.
The 5 Things I live by
- Seeking Jesus’ face
- Approaching the throne of the Almighty God
- Studying the Bible
- Discerning spirits through the Word, prayer and God’s leading
- Praying diligently
These are the secrets to become all that God intends you to be. We will all see more and more what the Lord wants for His Church and His Children if we just keeping doing the 5 things above with pure intention of God’s will.
With Grace & Brilliance, Amen
P.S. Please use respectful responses should you respond to the blog. Thank you