Tag Archives: Jenene’s Blogs

Find You On My Knees

by Jenene Stafford

I felt like I hit rock bottom this morning in my journey to find God’s purpose.

How could it possibly be fulfilled in the midst of the challenges of my life? I am apparently lacking faith in this very annoying and hormonal season of life. Yuck!

Sometimes God is very direct, but vague. I am constantly left with more questions. I despise my “control freak” limitations. I imagine myself annoyingly saying to God, “Could you give me a little more to go on please?”

God, being the gracious God He is gave me an answer this morning.

But, the answer didn’t look the way I thought it would look. It was more like, “No, I’m not going to give you a little more to go on so get over yourself, I have everything under control.”

Notice, He said, I have everything under control, implying that I don’t. That’s not too hard to figure out! I cannot believe what a failure He is having me be. It’s been said that most people fear success. Not me, I fear failure. In fact, I downright hate it. Basically my personality is being destroyed in the midst of it.

Imagine that! God is changing my natural personality. Transformation is painful. Now I have to trust that something beautiful is going to come out on the other side. Right now it feels ugly.

I just want to say, “God, if you tell me what the point is, it would move things along a little faster.” See, I even want to tell God how to do His job.

I didn’t realize it, but my focus gets off of God sometimes during the journey of discovering what’s next. My determination can become to find the answers to all of my questions instead of the desire of my heart being to know God’s will for today.

I hope you get a good laugh at this and I’m sure some of you ladies can totally relate. The journey is seriously challenging and the answers are found on our knees. We have to hold on to His Word and forget all that comes against His plan, including our own voice and our own plans.

Jer. 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Will I Survive Bootcamp?

by Jenene Stafford

Story #1: Our stories have a purpose

Last night I slept with one eye open again, if I slept much at all.

My stomach is full of knots, doing everything possible to keep my heart from pounding right out of my chest so the bed would not shake. I pretended often to be asleep. I lived in shear terror for years of what he would do to me when I should of been dreaming beautiful dreams.

The ten years of physical and mental abuse by my former husband has taken its toll on me and I can’t help but question God as to why He allowed this?

Was it not enough to survive rape, physical and mental abuse, the torture of not being allowed to sleep, being forced to sit in a corner like a bad child all night. If I dozed off to sleep my psycho husband would pinch me hard to wake me up.

The humiliation of sitting in a corner for hours or days, praying he’d allow me to use the restroom. My children would have to come and visit me in the corner in the bedroom which was only one place where he would control me and torture my body, mind and spirit.

I want you to know in this moment I despise through tears telling this tiny glimpse of a story. I don’t want to feel like I’m giving him one ounce of my attention or thoughts after all these years. I don’t want to recall the torture he put me through during these episodes of control, manipulation and attempts to break me, to brainwash me.

And yet . . .

The Lord Jesus speaks so gently to me and says, “Jenene, you’re telling this story for me, for my purpose and it’s ok with me that you’re angry about it. It’s ok if it causes you distress and discomfort, but trust me,  I have a good plan.”

Deep down I know He’s telling me the truth and why should I be surprised. I knew these stories would have to be shared. I’m surprised that I am so childishly reluctant. It must be part of the journey.

I have to take a break just to work through crying like a baby.  I’m begging God not to make me relive or rethink this past life. I know in my heart so many stories are yet to come.

Like Jacob, I know I have wrestled with God and He has given me a limp as a reminder of his graciousness. There is a battle He and I have fought together as I am still learning  tragedy after tragedy and moment by moment to understand His ways.

I fight for the God-inspired purpose. It does not come easy by any stretch of the imagination.

It is in this fight to discover the true meaning of humility, of laying everything at the throne of His grace, this battle to endure the enemy and to run the race victoriously that we become . . . Lady Champions.

I fervently pray and I wonder when will this bootcamp end.

With Much Love, Jenene

 

Best Practices of a Bold Christian Woman

Everything done in excellence first took a lot of practice.

  • Worry about what God thinks, not what other women think
  • Dress to feel like yourself, not to impress others
  • Diligently seek out the woman in you God can use
  • Never ever ever compare yourself to others
  • Acknowledge your self every day for how far you’ve come
  • Tell your thoughts to shut up as often as necessary
  • Worship God everyday
  • Pray all day long, silently if needed
  • Measure your success based on your willingness to do God’s will
  • Say “yes” to God more and “yes” to others a lot less
  • Choose wisely in accordance with God’s prompting
  • Learn to recognize the voice of the Liar and put him in his place
  • Ask yourself “Is that something Jesus would say to me?”
  • Ask yourself “Is that something Jesus would say to others?”
  • Remind yourself daily of what you’re committed to
  • Bring the light to every situation, even when it makes you look bad
  • Remember this life matters, but the next one matters more
  • Stop and ask a homeless person their story (pray first)
  • Kick your self in the rear when you judge another woman
  • Kick yourself in the rear when you envy another woman
  • Tell yourself to “stop it” as often as necessary
  • Love, love love as this is the greatest commandment of all time
  • Seek endless amounts of power everyday (through the Word)
  • Share your story just like your Father did
  • Remember, your story can change a life
  • Remember, your story can change someone’s eternal destiny

Jesus Loves The Bad Girls, Do You?

By Jenene Stafford

I didn’t grow up with Joan and Ward Cleaver as my parents. My childhood was no picnic. It was really tough and I honestly wondered if I would survive those first 26 years. Looking back I can only believe it was a miracle from God that I went from a victim to a survivor and ultimately a thriver.

Sometimes when we’re punished inappropriately by our parents we create an identity for ourselves. In my case, I was a good little girl, who felt like a bad girl.

At some point, I became that and began living out the lie. For nearly 40 years I suffered with a BAD GIRL complex even when I was way beyond living like a bad girl.

Anytime I didn’t do something just perfect, or if I made a not-so-good decision I would get physically sick to my stomach.

If my husband didn’t like something about my work in our company I would worry and feel sick about it. It was really weird.

It took me years to figure out why I constantly would physically feel like I was in trouble if I didn’t do everything perfect.

But, after years of digging to find this deep-rooted hang up, a faithful God freed me completely of this.

Along the way, I discovered something wonderful about Jesus. He gets you and me better than anyone.

This is the truth about Jesus . . .

He loves the “Bad  Girls”

He is unconditional love, contrary to what many may think right now. This comes with a disclaimer: This doesn’t mean you’ll live life without some major hurts and challenges along the way.

He is the Savior of our souls and our constant stupidity and trouble we tend to get ourselves into. He’s the person that says, “Well done, my good and faithful child, when it takes everything not to have a sexual affair that every pour in your body is craving.”

He’s the God who comforts you when you’ve just finished watching 2 hours of porn and you’re now sick to your stomach and your spirit aches and your body is still unsatisfied.

He’s the lover of the Mary Magdalene’s. He’s the God who sadly watches his molested daughters grow up to be prostitutes, knowing that every suffering of evil can be used for good.

He’s the Jesus that says to the Father, “Forgive them for they know not what they do”, after we’ve just aborted our child. He’s the healer of our guilt, not the cause.

He’s the God who desires above all that we come to know Him personally.

Jesus didn’t come to condemn us, he saves us from ourselves and accepts us no matter how many wrong choices we make. But, what he does not do, is force you to believe he is real. He’s not only some great prophet that lived a couple of thousands of years ago. He was all that and so much more. He died a horrible death and rose from the dead 3 days later, proving to the world that he was God in human form.

He’s the Father to the fatherless. The love to the woman with an aching heart for a husband. He’s the comforter when we turn to him. He’s the healer of our broken hearts and broken bodies.

He’s our greatest teacher.

He speaks to us.

He makes us new so we don’t have to keep living in the past with all it’s mistakes and pain.

His arms are always open if we’ll let him help us. He’s a gentleman and doesn’t push his will on us. He gives us freedom to choose.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, he never did anything like that for me.” I’d have to ask you, Have you ever fully surrendered to Him?

He wants to be in your life. Jesus isn’t a far off God like some like to think. He’s an intimate God. He is our Spiritual Father and he can love you better than any human father ever could.

He knows every hair of your head and made you completely and uniquely different than every other woman on the planet. That is so cool!

The more we trust him and learn about him the more we’re able to see him working in our lives. He’s the only reason I survived the first 26 years of my life. He’s the most amazing, full of humor, wise, creative, loving, forgiving, kind, gentle, powerful, humble person I know. The best person on the planet can’t even measure up because he is perfectly God and his Spirit still lives on with us.

Our spirits are all craving something more and we will try everything to fill that void. Underneath it all, it’s a real God we want to know. We’re all on a search for a real and living God.

I’m here to tell you, Jesus is all that and more. His love is so far out of what we could ever imagine and his peace will save you from suicide.

He’s the God that heals us of our broken lives and broken spirits. He’s the God that heals you of addictions to alcohol, drugs, food, prescription drugs, co-dependency, pornography and every other hang up.

He is faithful to us, but we haven’t done a very good job of being faithful to him. We ignore him because we want to do things our own way, even when his way is far superior.

He is a place of faith, hope and true love.

He is waiting for you to get that He gets you.

Live Brilliantly Today!

Jenene, xoxo